As requested a review of the new Drake album Take Care.
First of all let me preface this by saying I am not a fan of Drake. I am not a fan of anything he has done at any point of his career except maybe this. That being said I am coming into this album as unbiased as possible as to not totally cloud my vision and try to give this an honest listen.
The problem with that is just by the album cover alone it’s starting off on a bad foot. Drake seems to be doing his best Fat Tony impersonation with the obnoxious amounts of faux gold in the corner of some Newark Italian restaurant. Not a good look. I’ve seen better concepts and executions of album covers by high school kids. They couldn’t even get any professional lighting in there. Hopefully the music has more shine than this.
Well unfortunately this song is not about his Degrassi days, shame. Starts off with the same awful inflection upon his voice that’s like Eminem at his whiniest. Young Money should invest in some afrin nasal spray or something for poor Drake because his sinuses are just constantly clogged up. The first god damn lyric of the first song of the album he has the audacity to say “I think I killed everybody in the game last year”. I’m not even going to list the better hip-hop releases than anything he put out. Shameful. He then goes on to say “shout out all to all my niggas living tax free” since, you know, the suburbs of Toronto where he grew up are notorious for tax evasion. He goes on to highlight his insecurities via a narrative of people talking around him, and ends the first verse with “I just been playing, I aint even know that I was winning” which contradicts the whole first part of this.
The second verse gets even worse in which he admits to playing a Bar Mitzvah. If you’re “killin’ the game” you’re probably not going to be booking shows for young Jewish children. Then Young Aubrey aka the prince of pillow-like-softness comes out saying he’s going to take people’s lives apart. Yeah right. This dude is the second hardest thing out right after uncooked dough. Drake is so soft that I heard he’s endorsing a new fabric liquid from Tide. This is only evidenced by the fact he then says “Don’t make me break your Kevin heart boy”, somehow I get the feeling Drake has had a lot of romantic ups and downs with men before. At least he’s being honest here.
If there was anything that could have been a highlight to this album it could have been the lack of autotune. That, however, is shattered by whoever is doing the shit in the beginning here sounding like bunnies hoping through a meadow and chewing on flowers.
The production on this song is shockingly terrible, they actually have a completely off tempo “drum-hook” that pisses in for a little bit there; you’d think as professional musicians someone would have been like, “yo, that is directly off tempo, let’s fix that” but no. As soon as autotune1 is done autotune2 comes in; the only thing that can make Drake’s worse is some robot junk over it. This is actually nauseating to listen to, how can you go from saying you’re gonna off kids and you’re the man and all this garbage and then get on your whiniest the very next track, opening up your inability to deal with the ending and regression of one of your dozens of relationships. People are gonna say “oh, he’s just being diverse, he’s doing different things” but nah, if you want to be diverse that’s cool but just because your shit may have 10 different shades of brown doesn’t make it anything else but a turd.
First of all this beat sounds like something Gudda Gudda made while chugging cough syrup and struggling over the MPC. Remove this from the earth. I think the most ridiculous thing so far in these three tracks is these simultaneous lines, “Tuck my napkin in my shirt, because I’m just mobbing like that” / “You gone make someone around me catch a body like that”. First of all, I was unaware that proper napkin etiquette was of any relation to mobbin’ and I sure as hell know that the guy that’s pre-occupied with making sure his hankie is in his lapel is not going to be icing any fools for talking shit, that’s for damn sure. He goes on to talk about how he doesn’t like “Soap Opera” rappers but what the fuck, of all the mainstream people rapping right now there is nobody as dramatic and geared towards emotionally dependent women as this guy. You are the quintessential soap opera rapper, so please believe that when you make your inevitable return to acting it’s probably going to be on Days Of My Lives or Golden Girls Redux.
Well the beat caught me off guard a little bit, it kind of reminds me of the Flux Pavillion beat that Jay and Kanye bought for WTT, kinda cool I guess. First god damn thing I hear though is “listen, listen, woah, listen, ooooh take your nose off my keyboard”. WHAT? TAKE YOUR NOSE OFF MY KEYBOARD? The fuck was some dude’s nose doing on your keyboard? Weezy get into the coke again and had no other place to do it? Good god. Two minutes into this joint and the softness is overwhelming, I’m wrapped in a musical blanket of goose feathers and bubbles. In comes Drake with a flow that’s actually bearable and not on that whiney inflection nonsense so that’s nice. This track doesn’t really say anything besides the flamboyant club bullshit in it but it stays in its lane. Is what it is.
Not a fan of Rihanna. Don’t like her singing. Beat is kinda ok, some Fat Boy Slim europop crap, I get with it a little bit. The whole song is just some heartfelt story that sounds like Drake took his diary from high school and is monologuing it. The song reminds you of cotton balls rubbing together in a bottle of body wash. Over it.
Dunno what to say here. It’s just some stuff. Kendrick Lamar is at his weakest here. Inconsequential.
Drake struggles through this whole fucking song, like, it’s embarrassing to listen to this. He spits these struggle bars like “You Girl, you right there, you look like you like this shit how’d I know, how’d I know? Guess me on some psychic shit”/”Reppin’ bitches, reppin’ bitches bitches and reppin’ reppin’ them bitches until all of us switches”. The fuck does that even mean? It’s like Drake was like hey Gudda what rhymes with bitches, switches? Yeah can we be switches? Yeah? Ok I’ma put that in there I dunno what else to do. Goes on to spit about his dependency upon women and get on some real feminine aura type stuff. He tries to rep some UGK in here when he should be repping WAF, weak as fuck.
I’m beginning to think that he might just get sick a lot because when he records sometimes he doesn’t sound like a snot nosed brat and other times he does, and I can’t imagine anyone thinks that’s a pleasant sound, except the guy he works for. Hmm. This beat is barely a beat, the entire thing was probably constructed on an 83’ casio drum machine. Why, with the amount of money that he has (and claims to have) was he unable to get something else for this song. Needless to say he spits more struggle bars about the same boring garbage that you can hear on the radio any day. “I came up, I’m coming up, fuck the past, I’ve got money, ladies love me, I have money.” I honestly do not understand why this narrative still sells. How many times have we heard the “I didn’t have money, now I have money, let me talk about what I do with this money and what this money does for me” shit before? How is this not boring to people by now?
Just when you think things couldn’t get worse, here comes Birdman. This dude was old as fuck 10 years ago, doesn’t help he just talks over the beat and sounds like a god damn fool. Perhaps the weakest call to arms in all of hip-hop history with “toronto, stand up for one of the realest niggas.” In 35 seconds there are 5 “yeahs” and 9 “niggas”. Diverse.
YO WAYNE LEMME UP THE EQUALIZER ON THIS JAWN. LET’S JUST LEAVE IT ON THE WHOLE SONG, THAT’S A GOOD LOOK. I was honestly tempted just to skip this garbage, but I’m doing this for the kids. Drake is on his most White Knight with this clearly trying to like sway Nicki Minaj over to this nice bath that he put rose petals in and he got some real nice candles at bath and body works for her cause he knew she likes vanilla and he went and shaved all the hair off his body so he doesn’t irritate her skin when they’re spooning after he’s done lotioning her up and tickling the back of her neck with his caterpillar eyebrows.
You know you’re soft as fuck when a girl with a faux-english accent sounds 10x harder than you on your own song, and she tried to get on some of that set up, punch line, set up, punch line flow that’s become tiresome as fuck. This is terrible and might be the worst hook in rap history, fuck OUTTA here with this. Send this track ”a million, billion, trillion miles away”.
Let me just say this right here. I fuck with this beat. This is fire. Just Blaze put in work on this one and this beat is actually the salvation of this song. Rick Ross’s fat ass needs to stop barking like he’s DMX over everything though. That is way overdone. Drake doesn’t struggle too hard over this beat but he’s honestly too soft to even fuck with this beat and the harder he tries to get the whinier and more ridiculous it sounds. Drug money? Trigger happy? “Bought a white ghost, now shit is gettin’ spooky very, very scary, like shit you see in the movies”? I’m trying my fucking best to ignore whatever he’s saying and just enjoy this beat.
Rozay comes in and spits his same glam-rap about his coats and cars and money and bars and houses and whatever, same as he always does, only thing he ever does, it is what it is. This song hits an abrupt stop when he says “only fat nigga in the sauna with jews”. At that point it’s like, did he really just say that? … Alright.
Beats alright, it’s kind of jazzy but doesn’t really go anywhere. This “interlude” or whatever is a joke. Repeat the same shit over, and over, and over, say the same thingover, and over, and over. How many hooks are you going to have Drake where you say the same damn thing over and over again? Camera, Camera, Camera, Proud of you, Proud of you, Proud of you. Stop that.
“She spilled whiskey on her shirt, she gonna have to get it cleaned”. I’m done. Changing the song.
This is the musical equivalent of two kittens wrestling on a triple pillow top bed. This has to be the softest thing that’s ever been on a hip-hop album. Just when I think things can’t get any softer Drake comes up and blooms auditory tulips out of my speakers, if I want this soft serenading black Enya kind of crap I’ll go somewhere else. I’m sad that Stevie even agreed to be a part of this in all honesty, maybe he was just bored or something but he has a nice little harmonica thing at the end of this song which I guess was the “ft.” part. I’ve heard Stevie do some way better freestyle harmonica stuff at live shows, so, it’s cool or whatever. Hi Stevie.
First Ke$ha and now Drake, Andre? Three stacks… THREE STACKS… WHY? He must be hurting for money or something, I don’t know. I’m disappointed in this dude I really am. Lil Wayne doesn’t even know how to spit over this beat and actually clearly struggles in the beginning of his verse which is hilarious to me. Of course Andre 3000 spits a seriously on point verse because that’s what he does, when’s the last time he ever didn’t come correct even on a whack song? It is too awful to be saved by him by he did his thing, went in. Needs to stop getting on this stuff though, where’s the album man? Been waiting like a decade for that.
At this point I’m actually angry. Can you stop fucking complaining Drake? Do you have anything to talk about besides your shitty failures of relationships? Is there anything you have to talk about that isn’t your inability to have any sort of healthy or successful relationship with a woman? Did something go downhill with your mom as a kid? Why are you struggling so much with this? In all honestly we should probably all get together and tell Drake he needs some serious help because when your entire album is a giant leaking vagina and you actually think it’s something you should be putting out there, your brain is not working. I guess there’s a reason why the majority of his fans are pubescent girls who are struggling with the same emotional issues as MC Tampax over here. Shut this off as soon as Lil Wayne clawed his way onto the beat and opened his mouth.
Actually. This is not bad. The first song is about his mother which provides me the evidence to my claim of his mom issues. Second about his uncle. Guess his grandma is on this. I like this beat it’s on some 2004 Kanye piano sample stuff, kind of nice. I actually fuck with this, this is a non-whiny, engaging introspective look at himself before the money (even though he must have been getting something with that Degrassi paper). By far the best track on the album by far. It’s ok man. Can’t really hate on anything like this to be honest.
That sums up everything I thought about this song. Thanks youtube.
17. Drake - The Ride
This wasn’t on youtube so yeah.
So all in all this album, I tried to come in as fresh as I could, but the incessant struggle bars and 7th Heaven theme of the entire thing were just so mindbogglingly bad that my inherent dislike for Drake and his music came out. But that’s the reason why I disliked Drake in the first place. Dude tries to act hard as fuck, be part of this “Young Money” click where members actually come from the hood and do shit and so he goes around trying to rep and be a G. Aubrey. You’re an actor from Toronto, stay in your fucking lane. You can’t be trigger happy and droppin’ bodies while simultaneously being the dude that runs his fingertips over peoples arms and asks them if it tickled. This album is so lame that even the bright moments on this, Stevie, Andre, a few of the beats, even that 15th track, couldn’t save it from being placed in the worst albums of 2011. I don’t know what to tell you, for whoever you wanted this review there you are.
I’m giving this album 3 butterfly kisses out of 10.
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